Saturday, January 10, 2015

OVERHEARD IN THE ROADHOUSE III



1)  Warlord Wanton LaVey, astride his trusty mastodon, and His Horrible Horde are on the move.  Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife.

2)  A storm raged over Trailerhenge, destroying everything in a half-mile radius.  Someone must've pissed off The Witch Of The Double-Wide sumthin' fierce.

3)  The Chained Gang, six of the nastiest phantom criminals bound together for all eternity, have escaped Hell and are holed-up in the area.  Quite the bounty on those fellers, I reckon.

4)  There's a shortage of dinosaur urine.  The hoodoo community is freaking out.

5)  Someone—or some thing—is slaughtering vampires.  While many are terrified, plenty are out for blood-vengeance.  Joel Type-Osteen even addressed the crisis in last Sunday's black mass.

6)  The Gruesome Twosome are finally making it legal and gittin' hitched.  Mazel tov!!!

7)  Anguished howls have echoed all week from Hellbilly Holler—yep, sumthin' riled up those inbred cannibal fucks.  Word is one of their kinfolk died ugly, and under suspicious circumstances.  (The general reaction from the bar patrons:  "Good riddance.")

8)  February, March, and November all have Fridays The 13th this year.  Concerned parents are already recruiting "freelance counselors" for Camp Killalotta because it's gonna be a banner year for bloodshed.

9)  The Fangz and Fearless Fish are having a stunt-off showdown to see who can jump the most swamp-megalodons.  Bookies are standing by!

10)  The inevitable superheroic staple happened to Springheeled Jackson:  his female analogue arrived on the scene...but is Springheeled Jack√©e Harry friend...or foe?!!!