Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Monday, March 31, 2014


1)  Buncha bodacious hippie-chicks tooled into town in a big yellow ride with SUCCU-BUS scrawled on the side.  I don't care if it looks like it was painted in blood...those honeys were fine.

2)  Heard tell that a platoon of Martians raided Gramma Sutra's shack and made off with all the cold remedies and allergy juju.  Those scrotum-domed little fucks don't know when to quit.

3)  That new Chicken Tomb franchise is doing gangbusters.  So good, in fact, that The King himself might put in an appearance.  You haven't lived until you've seen a fat, sequinned mummy gyrate his sideburns off to Blue Suede Shoes.

4)  The Draculas Three are fighting amongst themselves again.  My money's on the soul-brother one.

5)  Evel Knievel showed up at the nudie bar last night.  No, not his zombie.  No, not his ghost. Just him, human and pink and fresh as a daisy...not a scar on him.  I think Doc Freakenstein is cloning again.

6)  The cultists down the way have gotten ahold of Lucifer's Jukebox, which plays all 666 discs within backwards.  No good's gonna come of that, man.

7)  Stock up on rubbers, brother, because Patterson got The Macksquatch's entire stable of Kissing Links to show at the bachelor party!

8)  That dirty, knuckle-dragging Boss Trogg is running for county commissioner again.  You just know the election's rigged.

9)  The Tobacco Man's van broke down last week, and the local kiddies are suffering serious nicotine fever.  What happens when they go full-on "Children Of The Corn" from withdrawal?

10)  Oh, God.  Hitler's over there in the corner, sobbing and snotting in his beer.  Doc Freakenstein is DEFINITELY back to business.