Tuesday, March 4, 2014

PLANET MOTHERFUCKER'S MOST WANTED: DR. TONGUE


Hushed roadhouse rumors say that, two lonnnnnng decades ago, on this very calendar night, one of Planet Motherfucker's most brilliant—and twisted!—minds perished in a raging inferno.

Some claim he burned to a crisp in his dread mountain castle.  Others insist he ran afoul of his own necro-brain weapons in the bowels of a subterranean laboratory.  And some even believe that he plummeted to fiery death in the world's last working airplane, staffed with comely stewardesses compelled to satisfy his every extra-pillow-and-a-blanket-and-orange-juice-related whim.

But the tales are wrong.  Dead wrong.

For in fact, the conflagration transpired here, on this very spot, in these selfsame charred ruins that stand before you!  Gaze upon the blackened husk of Planet Motherfucker's fanciest dining and dinner-theater establishment, The 3-D House Of Beef, where the ingenious Dr. Tongue perfected his culinary masterpieces... 

...MASTERPIECES THAT COULD ENSLAVE THE WORLD!!!

If not for those petty, jealous fools at The Gustatory League of Tastiness Technologies and Nutty Sciences (GLuTToNS) that sabotaged Dr. Tongue's creations, this blasted fuckscape would know no privation!  Beer would flow like molten mana from The Netherhells, and rich, nutritive beef—of the bovine persuasion, NOT human!would hang from every slaughterhouse wall!



So, look upon at what might have been...and then gaze into my snifter of brandy.  Watch as it languidly moves forward and back...forward and back...forward and back...entrancing you with its phantasmagorical golden hue.



Yes, that's it...surrender you will to me...

...FOR IT IS I, THE INSIDIOUS DR. TONGUE HIMSELF!!!  BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!  BRUNO, PREPARE FOR THE RIPPING AND TEARING OF THEIR GARMENTS!!!


Despite his technical bloviating, the portly Dr. Tongue is more flim-flam man than mad scientist.  He accomplishes his wondrous feats of genius more with parlor tricks, gewgaws, clumsy hypnosis, and drugged foodstuffs than arcane artifacts.

When he's not amassing a legion of mind-thralls, he schemes about re-opening his horror-themed hotspot, The 3-D House Of Beef, where he could maître d' and waiter to his over-sized heart's content.

Dr. Tongue is always accompanied by his syphilitic (and surprisingly pleasant and soulful) hunchback, Bruno.  [Stats as Ogre].


Dr. Tongue
Attributes:  Agility d4Smarts d8Spirit d6Strength d6Vigor d6
Skills:  Healing d6, Investigation d6, Knowledge (Gourmand) d8Notice d6, Psionics d8+2Repair d6Taunt d4
Derived:  Charisma 0Pace 5Parry 2, Toughness 8 (2)
Hindrances Obese, Quirk ("Theatrical"), Vengeful
Edges:  Arcane Background (Psionics)Mentalist, New Power
Gear:  Cutlery (STR +d4), Kevlar Tuxedo (+2/+4)Menu, $200 in trade goods (toilet paper and beer)
Power Points (Psionics):  10     Powers:  Blind, Boost / Lower Trait, Confusion, Summon Ally







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