This Is Planet Motherfucker

Groot!

Bombu!

Goom!

Orrgo!

Torr!

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All images from the astounding Brendan Tobin's Amazing Marvel Monster Cocktail Party posts!!!

Drac History Month

(by Justin S. Davis, age 41)

(ditto)

Demonoid Phenomenon: Rat Fink Redux

The Planet Motherfucker guidebook already details an Archetype embodying Big Daddy Roth's favorite son.  But here's me [altogether needlessly] tweaking Jack Shear's original interpretation, and making a full-blown Race for all your hot-roddin' Rodentia needs.

My only excuse is that I really, Really, REALLY love what these weirdies bring to setting.

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You're a skeevy, neon freak with a need for speed...velocity or amphetamines, you're not picky! And though you may be utterly unhinged—your trademark style of verminous crazy truly puts the "rat" in "erratic"—your talents are always in demand, because a good wheelman is hard to find.

And you're the BEST wheelman in the biz.  Wheelrat.  Whatever, man...just floor it!

Rat Fink  (New Playable Race)

Free Ability:  Gear-Jammin' (as Ace)
+2 Ability:  Twitchy (as Quick)
+1 Ability:  Friends In Lowlife Places  (start with Streetwise d6)
-3 Ability:  Huffed-Up On Fumes (requires 2 points per step to raise Smarts during character generation, and 2 Advances to raise during play)

Planet Motherfucker Hit Parade: TROGLODYTE

SLEAZE FEATURE: 'CLOWN FATALE' #1-4 (2012-2013)

"My name is Chloe Tucker.  And I've just reminded my friends that in the circus hierarchy, clowns rank dead last—below the guy who shovels the elephant shit." — Clown Fatale #1

If Russ Meyer made a flick about down-and-out, combat-crazy clown-gals who get mistaken for Siberian assassins and dragged into a redneck drug war, it would've been Clown Fatale.

What more of a review do you need?  This funnybook miniseries is the Platonic ideal of Planet Motherfucker, man.

Okay, fine.  Clown Fatale is the (bad)touching story of four women—Chloe (the world-weary, leader-y one), Candy (the zaftig, sensitive one), Tina (the brutal, Nubian one), and Aya (the ain't-all-there, chop-socky one)—who work the worst traveling circus in the world.  They hate their jobs, their coworkers, and their lives, and see no escape from greasepaint hell...until One Big Score lands in their shapely laps.

Needless to say, Things Do Not Go As Planned.

Scribe Victor Gischler, author of crime novels and superhero comics (including runs of The Punisher, Deadpool, X-Men, Conan, and The Shadow), wastes no time getting to the gonzo, as by page 4 of issue #1, our girls are face-punching, head-kicking, and groin-crushing dudes in desperate need of attitude adjustments.  And he never slows, rocketing from one outlandish setpiece to the next.

Readers of delicate sensibilities [who should be nowhere near this blog in the first place...], be warned: the tale plunges headfirst into the exploitation landfill and drinks deep of the trash.  There's sadism, profanity, nudity, alcoholism, attempted rape, drug-use, misogyny, fisticuffs, carnality, strangulation, decapitation, incineration, gunfights, swordplay, carnivorousness, vehicular manslaughter, and violence, Violence, VIOLENCE!!!

There's also one of the greatest applications of ape-mayhem I've ever seen.  Trust me—as an esteemed and accredited gorillologist, I know of what I speak.

Penciler Maurizio Rosenzweig does amazing work.  He brings a welcome (essential?) cartoon / animation sensibility to the material, making each character uniquely expressive and larger-than-life. Seriously, the way he frames face-shots and eyes...man, that's just good comic-in'.

And a particularly nice touch is that each of the lady-leads has a distinct body type.  Yes, really.  All "bad girls" shouldn't be drawn the same.

Rosenzweig also knows how to lay out an action panel.  He captures the kinetic frenzy of a murder-circus gone nutzoid, while still being clean and coherent.

Inker / colorist Moreno Dinisio embraces the garishness of the premise, and Clown Fatale's pages are awash in color.  The lurid palate gives the book a sticky, drippy vibe.

Tim Seeley (of Hack / Slash fame) does the covers, and leans towards a lobby card / poster aesthetic. See the original art below, without the trade dress:

I really enjoyed this miniseries.  It's a drive-in movie in printed form, and hits every genre beat perfectly. But it's smarmy as hell, and grotesquely nihilistic.  And the "sexy women in ugly peril" tropes are cranked to 11.

Which I realize is the point...the grimy, slimy point.

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Favorite Out-Of-Context Quote:  "Aarrrgh!  Not my balls!  I need those."

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RPG Relevance:  There's an embarrassment of sick-riches for your Planet Motherfucker campaign. Bodacious clown-babes.  Kill-carnies.  Ramblin' circuses of the damned.  Greasers.  Greasepaint. Cotton candy.  Gore-illas.  Drug kingpins.  Gang wars.

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Final Review Score:  4 Great Milenkos out of 5

THIS IS PLANET MOTHERFUCKER

OVERHEARD IN THE ROADHOUSE

1)  "It's almost cannibal-mutant breeding season.  Yeah, the bounties are higher than ever... but, brother, probably best to stay out of the hills entirely."

2)  "Presley's Chicken Tomb is opening a new franchise down the way.  That's sure to righteously piss off the owners of this fine establishment."

3)  "See the weird lights near Old Man Gutchel's place last night?  Could mean another saucer landing.  Wonder what'll happen to that crazy moonshiner's swill this time?"

4)  "Them zombies infestin' the Doom Mall are gittin' smarter.  Could'a swore ah seen 'em usin' utensils."

5)  "Speakin' a' zombies, think the contagion's spreadin'.  Undead gators and feral hogs wrecked a kegger down near the crick.  Man, it's bad enough if animals can now git the bug... but if they're workin' together, we're motherfucked."

6)  "Satan's Cerebrums are back in town.  Sure, those mad biker-scientists are assholes, but their brain-in-a-jar looks pretty boss, riding in the sidecar like that."

7)  "The sweet old werewolf couple over there?  Yeah, the gray ones, with the saggy jowls and fanged dentures?  They keep inviting me to swing-parties at the senior center.  I swear, one more drink, and I'm going for it."

8)  "The Belfry Boys are recruiting for a big job.  Even saying they'll convert those that survive.  Hell, yeah, I'd consider vampirism.  Wouldn't you?"

9)  "The Headless Hotrodsman is racing for pinks down at the haunted dragstrip.  And the rubes are lining up to take him on.  Just what the hell does he do with all those rides he wins, anyway?"

10)  "Get this:  ALL the scarecrows in the county are turning up pregnant.  Yes, pregnant.  Well, what else would you call it?  One day they're hanging there as limp and lifeless as you please, and the next they're bloated and swollen and... and... and beaming, okay?  They're smiling... have a glow about them.  YES, EVEN THE DUDE ONES.  Fuck you, dicklips.  Why would I make that up?"

This Is Planet Motherfucker

from Paul Garner's sold-out Nudie Monsters 2014 Calendar!!!

DEMONOID PHENOMENON: MANIAC METALUNAN

Most folks would be pretty godsdamned surly if their home planet exploded...but The Big Kaboom was the greatest day of your life!

No more slaving in the radiation-mines.  No more kowtowing to those bubble-headed bastards who bio-engineered you.  No more ducking and covering as your warmongering masters ravaged the world.  You were free!

Yeah, hurtling through the cosmos on a chunk of rubble was the ultimate trip...and crashing into Planet Motherfucker was like kicking in the gates of Eden.  You've found the promised land of liquor, lewdity, and lawlessness, and you're ready to rock out with your claws out!

Maniac Metalunan  (New Playable Race)

Free Ability:  Similar To One Of Our Earth Insects... (+4 to resist all negative environmental effects)
+2 Abilities:  ...But Larger, Of Course (starts with Strength d6)
+1 Abilities:  Pincers (inflict Str+d6 damage),
-1 Abilities:  Extraterrestrial (as Outsider), Liberated (as Stubborn), Ungainly (Pace 5)